When work is taken away…
Who are you then?
Most of us never expect to answer that question.
Until life asks it anyway.
Sometimes it’s redundancy.
Sometimes it’s retirement.
Sometimes it’s simply reaching a point where you realise the life you’ve built is no longer the one you want.
I was listening recently to a podcast with psychotherapist Dr Richard Hogan when he said something that made me stop.
“I don’t think anyone on their deathbed thinks they should have worked more.”
It wasn’t the quote itself that stayed with me.
It was the question underneath it.
At what point does work quietly stop being something we do and become the answer to the question…
Who are you?
I’ve spent almost forty years in commercial leadership.
I’ve been fortunate to work with extraordinary people, build businesses around the world and lead teams through periods of enormous growth.
I loved it.
I still do.
There’s nothing wrong with ambition.
There’s nothing wrong with working hard.
But somewhere along the way I’ve met people who introduced themselves with their job title long before they introduced themselves as a person.
If I’m honest…
I’ve probably done the same.
Another observation Richard made really resonated with me.
We spend a lot of time telling people to find their passion.
His view was different.
Become competent first.
Passion often follows.
Looking back, I think he’s right.
The best leaders I worked with didn’t begin with passion.
They became good at something.
Confidence followed.
Then enjoyment.
Then purpose.
I’ve also watched equally talented people convince themselves they weren’t capable when what they really lacked was the opportunity to experience success.
That’s not just a leadership lesson.
It’s a human one.
One other point from the podcast caught my attention.
Resentment.
Richard described it as one of the earliest signs that something isn’t right at work.
I’d never thought about it like that before.
But looking back, I think he might be right.
It isn’t usually exhaustion that comes first.
It’s feeling overlooked.
It’s carrying more than your share.
It’s believing your contribution no longer matters.
Left long enough…
Resentment quietly becomes disengagement.
Then burnout.
As leaders we often notice people when performance drops.
Perhaps we should get better at noticing them while they’re still carrying the weight.
Returning to Ireland gave me the chance to step back and think about all of this.
I’m still ambitious.
I still enjoy helping organisations grow.
I still love coaching leaders.
But I no longer believe our work should carry the entire weight of our identity.
Because jobs change.
Companies change.
Titles change.
Eventually every one of us is asked the same question.
Who are you when the work is no longer there?
I don’t have all the answers.
I’m still working that out myself.
But I know this.
Looking back, I don’t think I needed different experiences.
I just needed the language to understand them.
I just wish I’d had the language sooner.